Sometimes, even when you’ve tried everything, you really haven’t yet.
But it’s not your fault. You can’t see what you disguise subconsciously, because, well, you’re hiding it.
Sometimes it takes an outsider’s appraisal, a pinch of compassion, and a bit of tears to show you the roots of your conundrum.
But ultimately, once the roots are unearthed, after the shock of the finding and the emotions that come with it – sadness, surprise, relief, regret, and a feeling of “where to now?” – there is a stillness.
Once the roots are tangible, and once you can see them, you feel steadied. There is something there now, not just a flimsy, gnawing question mark. Once you’ve got an answer, it fills the space you knew something occupied. It becomes something to lean on.
I think I have something to lean on now. There’s a new journey that has opened up, with a definite light at the end of the tunnel. With a hug from the excavator and a family of support, I can bask in the distant warmth of light until I get there.
Even the dark tunnel has changed hues for now.
Since a new path is afoot, some changes within LBE are also afoot; since this is a part of me, it must mirror my intentions. Don’t be afraid – I’m only participating in “out with the old, in with the new.” I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for sticking by in the silence that has been this summer.
picture from: http://theurbanhippie.wordpress.com/