The other day, I was giddy.
(I don’t remember the last time I felt giddy.)
Giddy is different from its synonyms. Excited, happy, or pumped up just don’t cut it. Excited is for when you are either looking forward to something, for some reason or another. Happy is just too broad and overrated. Pumped up implies that you’re ready for something, and is definitely more of a slang or casual term.
Giddy, on the other hand,is for when you return to your childhood self in joy. Remember when you were finally allowed to have that cookie, or that stuffed animal, or you could finally do a cartwheel, and that pure shameless elation that followed? This blog uses the term making a “Big F-ing Deal” or “BFD” about everything good that happens – no matter how small – like a little kid. I rarely get giddy these days. I wish I could make a BFD about all the good things that happen, no matter how small, because if I don’t feel like I’m making a tangibly huge leap forward, I get down on myself and become blind to my little victorious shuffles that still count!
So why was I giddy?
Last Tuesday, I was allowed to bring the upright bass home. If you don’t know why that’s cool, here’s a quick rundown:
- It’s HUGE.
- The sound is so deep.
- One boy who plays bass pointed out last year that, “It’s the only instrument you can dance with!”
But that’s not the best part about Tuesday.
Having the bass in my living room meant that I had 4 instruments at my home that I am actively playing.
- Keyboard (where I practice my xylophone music)
I spent the WHOLE next day playing all four instruments. It was a dream come true.
However, practicing all four instruments took virtually the whole day. How am I going to keep up with that during the school year? (which starts next Wednesday) I’ve already established that guitar is my number one – like German is my number one foreign language – but I am absolutely enthralled by almost every instrument. I have a private dream of learning as many instruments as possible – just like I also want to learn as many languages as possible, read as many books as possible, and so on. I have one dark thought that always reappears, though. What is the point of all this? Why do I want to do this? What purpose does being versed in all these instruments and musical styles? I keep wondering how I am going to make a living off of my dreams. I wish I could get paid to learn, because that’s all I really want to do.
Then, I rationalize with myself. There is so much out there that pertains to music. Even though I could always fall back into being involved with music instead of actually playing music (which is what I’d prefer), it’s still music. I honestly don’t know why I pursue all aspects of music so passionately, but I do. I know it’s not a hobby because it doesn’t compare emotionally to my other hobbies, like writing – which I still love to do, but I am not so attached. I have plenty of hobbies that started out as passions, but I discarded them in typical Sagittarius fashion for something else. I love animals, and at one time wanted to be a veterinarian, but left that alone for writing. I wanted to be an author until I found music. Now I want to be a musician. I’m almost afraid that I will discard music, too. But I know that right now, that thought is horrifying, so it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. Plus, music is so faceted that I could explore many different ideas and aspects of music without going outside of music itself.
Either way, I know that something that actually makes me giddy is worth pursuing. I am busier than I’ve ever been in my life, but it makes me so happy that my schedule is bursting with music, my love.