Wanna hear a secret?
You know you do…
My biggest fear in life (I don’t know why people say that; my biggest fear after-life is kinda confusing…) isn’t what a typical teen girl’s usually is. Not snakes. Not spiders. Not being eaten alive. Not humiliation. Not boyfriend troubles.
It’s being bored.
“WHAT.” you say.
My biggest fear is being bored out of my mind. I am terrified of it. Why? you ask. I’ll tell you.
My greatest delight in life is change and learning. I’ve known that for a while. That is why I dig creative things most of all. There are barely any boundaries and they rarely stand still, so there is never any stagnation – just movement and growth. So, it only makes sense that I am frightened most of all of not being able to participate in my biggest joy.
Plus, I’d probably lose my head if I had to sit around all day doing mindless tasks I don’t enjoy.
I love to create, I love to solve, I love to mess around, I love to be with other people who enjoy the same thing.
I like to work alone sometimes, too. I’d like to have peace while I belt out whatever I want to at the top of my lungs until I’m actually on pitch. I’d like to talk to myself when I’m writing or reading to further understand the literature. I’d like to not have anyone tell me what’s right and wrong.
To have to conform to a work place, wear a uniform, sing the same tune over and over, etc. scares me. A lot. That is why I choose writing or music or both as my future career. Sure, I love those activities most out of anything else in the whole wide world, but they are also very difficult to get started in and (based on many famous musicians, writers, basically any artist out there’s biography) it’s hard to stay motivated, focused, true to one’s self, secure. But over being bored to tears or on a grinding, set-in-stone schedule, I’ll take all of that.
And yes, I know it makes one stronger to conquer one’s fears. And I know what it feels like to conquer boredom – it feels like heaven, the perfect pitch (in music, not baseball), the sweetest chocolate, the loveliest voice, the happiest ending. I do it every. day. I am bored a LOT in school – and not just because I don’t like the subject. I will not be bored if I have a good teacher, regardless of the subject (ahemhistory); one who gushes about the subject, pours over it, loves it and wants so badly for her students to love it, too. One who finds a creative way for us to really understand what she’s teaching. Not someone who shows us an example and gives us a worksheet. THAT is what I loathe and that feeling – right there, that dread of what I know I must do, even though it does not in one bit challenge or animate me – is solely something I want so badly to avoid in my future. My life will not be boring.
Boredom kills. Remember that, kids.
Just playin’. I’m still alive. A little cuckoo, but still alive. So, in conclusion, my answer to that age-old childhood question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is most definitely: “NOT BORED.”